Clownish Tales

Clowning 1.01

The clowns bustled excitedly out of the ward, Pennywise’s stern painted face, intently focused on his examiner’s clipboard, halting their momentum.

‘What d’ya think boss?’ Mo broke the silence fingers anxiously twisting his horn.

‘Think? Well, what’s the first rule we discussed in Visiting Normals 1.01?’

‘Electric handshake, then custard pie?’

‘Optimise farting?’

Alfonso mimed taking something.

‘No stealing, a fine guess,’ Pennywise felt his blood pressure rising ‘but gentlemen, the golden rule of visiting sick children is…?

They all looked bashfully at the floor, the silence broken only by a mournful squeak from Mo’s horn.

‘Really … four weeks of lessons … nothing?’

‘Oh, oh,’ Mo shrieked hand in the air, ‘to not ask if the kid fancies seeing your puppy and going for a drive.’

‘Precisely! And that’s why you’re all getting Ds. Now off to the clown car and please gents, seven in the back and five in the front this time.’


Seventh Sense

Billy was born with a platinum spoon in his mouth, wanting for nothing. Tragically his silver cloud lifestyle was besmirched by a lead lining. Billy himself was unaware that the world he existed in was so different. It was his mother, stiff of words and manner, who noticed that Billy would often talk to the air. As if engrossed in conversation with no one at all. Finally she worked it out:

Billy saw dead people!

She freaked, as is natural for a parent challenged by such paranormal fears. So began an endless parade of specialists, counselors, hypnotists and electro-shockers, none of which found a cure.

Finally they met Dr. Pennywise who suggested the fault lay in the hippocampus region of the mind.

‘We’ll whip it out and hey presto normality restored!’ the Doctor confidently promised.

When Billy awoke from surgery, his parent’s concerned faces hovered into view.

They looked different, as if their faces were painted …

Billy screamed.


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